If you feel at fault for failing a number of relationships,
in a sense it's a good thing, because you are taking the
responsibility for your relationships instead of blindly
blaming your ex partners. And that's something that can be
used as a good start.
The distribution of fault for ruined relationships between
partners is never 100% to 0%. In reality, it is somewhat
60%-70% versus 40%-30%. If you fall beyond this range and feel
like you've contributed 80% to the bad outcome, then you have
some work to do.
First of all, figure out whether all the relationships you
failed were desirable for you right from the beginning, or you
just slowly "progressed" into them, without thinking too much
ahead. If this is the case, then it is also the key to the
solution of your problem. Do not get into relationships
without making sure that you want to be there. You need to be
able to clearly articulate to yourself what it is that you
like about being in a particular relationship and why. You
also need to ask yourself if you are prepared to make this
relationship into a life-time commitment. If the answer is
'no', then do not invest too much time in this relationship.
If the answer is 'yes' or 'may be', then it's a different
matter and you need to be careful.
If the relationship has a potential to become your
life-time commitment, then you need to treat it as such. If
you want your relationship to be stable, follow these three
rules systematically. If you follow these rules religiously,
you'll not only keep your next serious relationship but will
be happy in it.
Rule 1: Be an interesting person and live so that
other people can respect you (not just your partner).
Rule 2: Do and say nice things for your partner often.
Rule 3: Think before you say or do something and
evaluate potential outcome.
The rule number 1 will be good for you in all respects, not
only for your relationships. It concerns how you approach your
own life and what you want to do with it while you are "here",
so we won't discuss this matter in details at this point.
The rule number 2 must be observed like tooth brushing. No
excuses and no procrastination allowed.
The rule number 3 is a tricky one, since we often don't
notice what (and how) we say things to people who are close to us.
Sometimes we say things we don't mean and in the manner we
don't mean to later regret it, but the problem is our
partner can't read our mind, but they can hear us well, be
sure. If something can be potentially hurtful or unpleasant
for your partner and you would survive without necessarily
saying it to them, then don't say it. Keep it to yourself. Not
only will they hear us, but they will also remember it
(wouldn't you?). And if you keep on saying/doing unpleasant
things to your partner, with time s/he will accumulate so much
resentment against you, that in the end they will want to end
the relationship and leave you.
If you need to unload your frustration (we all do at
times), go for a walk, take a breath, have a drink - do
whatever, but buy some time before you talk to your partner.
And when you finally talk to your partner, remember, s/he is
a separate person, and your problems/frustrations
should not become their problems just because they are with
you (regardless of how close the two of you are).
With all that said, the main thing is to remember to follow
these rules, occasional 'here and there' will not help you.
