You can say that you are being too picky, if you
- have always wanted, but never been in a long-term
relationships;
- when evaluating people, notice negative things first and
always remember them;
- rarely or never come across people you could admire.
In all other cases, you just had a bad luck, so keep on
trying. Or, what is more likely, you weren't picky enough
before and as a result got involved in a couple of useless
long-term relationships. These bad experiences have made you
somewhat bitter but at the same time taught you to be
cautious. Sounds familiar? Then read on.
Let's examine this situation further. It has been noticed
that people who were "spoiled" and loved in childhood tend to
be more picky than those who haven't been as fortunate. What
does it tell you?
If you belong to the "spoiled" category, have had a couple
of long-term relationships, have now been looking for a
partner for a long time (more than 2 years), and still cannot
find a person who would satisfy all your requirements, then
consider re-evaluating your approach. You are, in all
probabilities, too picky.
If, on the other hand, you had to grow up fast and always
had to rely solely on yourself without much help from the
outside world, then you are less likely to be picky in a
relationship. That can be the reason why so many orphans tend
to marry early.
A person who has not been spoiled by life's pleasures and
who has experienced hard and difficult times would tend to
value whatever little nice things life offers and as a result
will tend to be less picky and more appreciative. Makes sense,
doesn't it? For this type of people, a partner who is just
nice and normal is already acceptable. This type of person is
less likely to be selective when choosing a partner and, as a
result, is more likely to have "bad" experiences. One bad
relationship, second bad relationship, a couple of bad
short-term experiences, and a person becomes bitter,
suspicious, mistrustful, and even angry. Who will blame them?
But the real problem here is that this person, who in reality
is very accommodating and appreciative of other people, as a
result of bad and often unfair experiences, ends up developing
a "pain in the neck" type of character, and this, in turn,
becomes their big problem.
And ironically, this type of people usually have a lot to
offer and often more than people who have been "spoiled" and
protected all their lives. So what is this person to do?
The solution is to start "liking" themselves more and become
more picky when selecting partners. This especially applies to
women, because women end up paying a much higher price for
loosing their time on useless relationships. You can be as
modernize and independent as you want, but you can't beat the
biological clock. So if you are a woman, you should think very
hard before getting involved in a long-term relationship.
Ideally, if you are a woman and you are over 25-27, you
should not engage in a committed relationship, unless you have
clear indications that this relationship is moving toward a
good marriage. Do not spend more than 6 months with a guy
without discussing with him where this relationship is going.
By committed relationship we mean a relationship in which you
either move in together with your guy or you have stopped
looking or considering other men (for example, when you meet a
cool guy, you tell yourself, Gee, if only I were single....if
this happens, then you are in a committed relationship).
Let is elaborate on the stage of "committed
relationship". First of all, as a woman, you need to think very carefully before calling a man
you sleep with your "boyfriend". A boyfriend status entitles
him to many nice things without serious obligations to
you, but for you - it can potentially prevent you from
having a good family, a family you deserve. Just imagine this
scenario, you are 26 years old, you spend 2-3 years with a
man, but things turn sour (they haven't been all that great
from the beginning, mind you), and the relationship finally
falls apart. You are now 28-29 and much bitter and less
cheerful than before. You realize that you have just wasted
2-3 years of your life on a relationship you weren't all that
interested in to begin with, you have spent some of your best
years with a man you didn't really love or respect, etc., etc.
You feel pity for yourself, you cry and complain, but then,
being a strong person, you go to the gym, get a better figure,
get a new wardrobe, new hair, and you start looking around
again. You want to be more careful this time and it takes you
about a year to find somebody you like. You start seeing this
man, but then after a few months, you notice things about him
that you know - from your previous experience - will make you
unhappy, so you try to break up. This takes another couple of
months before you are completely single again. You are now 30
or 31 and you read in a female magazine that women after 35
are at a higher risk of having a miscarriage and they need to
have a special test done while being pregnant. Pregnant....
Your heart starts pounding, because you realize that 35 is
just around the corner, but you haven't even met the "right"
person yet. You become more and more nervous. But you still
don't want to "settle" with a looser, and of course, there are
plenty of them around and they all want "committed"
relationships. The fact is losers have always been around you,
but you did not see them as such before, because you
appreciated and adjusted to whatever life offered you, even if
it's not anything special. With age, however, you learn to be
more self-appreciative and finally learn to be selective. Do you like this scenario?
If you look at men, things are very different. In Canada
and the United States, a lot of 30-year old men feel and act
the way their fathers and grandfathers felt and acted at
18-20. They are primarily concerned with bike rides, hockey
games and similar types of activities, and many of them are
unable or unwilling to take on a responsibility of having a
family. Really, why hurry? Men can have children at 40, 50 and
even 60, provided they find a woman of the reproductive age.
And let's face it. It's much easier (and possible!) for a man at 40, 50 or
even 60 to find a woman with whom he can still have a child, than for a
woman to do the same.
So what's the advice? If you are a woman, be as picky as
you can, even if you already have children. If you are over
25-27 and you do not have children, do not engage in a
long-term relationship (more than 6 months), if this
relationship is not moving toward a marriage. Do not waste
your time. If you see that your partner, with whom you have
already spent 2+ years, might take another 3-4 years before he
even starts thinking of getting "ready" for a marriage, we
suggest that you leave and take care of yourself. Just imagine
what happens, if you wait 3-4 years, but your partner decides
to "change his mind" (actually, he has never made up his mind,
so he wouldn't even feel that he had mislead you). That's the
truth girls, some things are more equal than others!
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