This is a difficult issue. If you have asked yourself
whether you are too jealous in a relationship, you probably
are, let's face it. Now, the real issue here is how you
feel about it and what you are going to do.
Most of our feelings are "conditioned" by the society and
its practices, and jealousy is not exempt from it. In fact,
jealousy is the feeling which can be manipulated, and
therefore, controlled, easier than many other feelings (anger,
for example, is harder to control). The problem here again is
to be realistic and make the right judgment call about
yourself and your goals.
If you are a jealous person, then you need to ask yourself
whether you would like to change that and if yes, start
working on it. As in all matters of personality development,
prepare for a journey, not a quick fix. Changing yourself is
one of the most difficult things, it will require time,
learning and perseverance, but the good news is that it can
be done. If you are not prepared to change yourself,
then you need to be prepared for a negative impact of your
jealousy on your relationships. We are not talking about
reasonable and justifiable sense of dignity. If you have valid
reasons to think that your partner is being untruthful to you,
it is entirely different matter. In that case, you need to
decide how you are going to deal with that (screaming, yelling
and crying won't change anything) and stick to your plan of
actions. But do prepare a plan, don't just let yourself be
controlled by the circumstances.
You can indirectly ask your partner for help. If in
your relationship you have not previously come across
situations which could trigger your jealousy, you might want
to approach your partner and establish 'boundaries"
beforehand, so that both of you know where each of you stands
and what to expect. Tell your partner what makes you feel bad
(jealous) and ask them not to do these things in front of you.
Remember, you cannot prevent things from happening,
it is not in your control. If your partner wants to cheat, he
or she will, they will find a way or time to do that no matter
what you do. In the worst case scenario, they might even leave
you, but they will still do what they want. Don't we all?
So whatever your level of jealousy, do not control your
partner. You can ask questions, you can explain how you
feel and what hurts you, but do not control your partner, even
if your jealousy is burning you alive. Sometimes forming
metaphorical associations helps. Imagine your jealousy as a
sleeping tiger. If you cater to it, it will wake up, roar
and...you get an idea. In any case, always remember about
the outcomes: your partner will always find ways to do
what they want, but by catering to your jealousy you will only
make things worse, you could even destroy your relationships
all together. Here, it is important to remember that we are
talking about situations in which a jealous person knows that
s/he is being excessively jealous.
But how to determine which reasons are "valid" and which
ones are your paranoia? Is this what you were thinking? Where
do we draw a line between paranoidal suspicions and reasonable
questioning? Well, the only recipe here is to trust your own
feelings. Just like 99% of smokers are fully aware how
dangerous smoking is, so jealous people are usually aware of
situations when they are being "unreasonable". The trick is to
learn how to deal with this "unreasonable" thing, how to quit,
in other words.
The answer is to control yourself, be
attentive to your emotions, and whenever you feel your
jealousy is approaching, hold it back, remember the sleeping
tiger. It will take a few attempts before you even learn how
to recognize, before it's too late, the signs of approaching
jealousy attack, but like with anything, try again and again,
and you will get there. Just keep on trying.
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Tips for Affair-proof Relationships
Reasonable advice based on observation.
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Should you forgive - and forget -an
affair?
This topic has brought 465 responses at one point.
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Jealousy
links
Quite a few pages of good and free advice on how to deal
with various situations involving jealousy.
